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RECLAIMING LIFE AFTER CHILD ABUSE

Use of the words HEAL and WOUNDS in discussions about surviving childhood abuse are as inappropriate as saying that someone is WOUNDED by a cold or flu or that people HEAL from the cold or flu; people HEAL from WOUNDS and wounds are physical injuries.  People suffer emotional PAIN, not emotional WOUNDS – as in; headaches are PAIN, not WOUNDS.

The habitual absent-minded over-use of the words HEAL and WOUNDS has become a fashionable ‘one-word-fits-all’ fad and the inappropriate over-usage actually minimizes the effects and ordeals that people struggle with after being abused.

Rather than suggesting survivors should HEAL from the effects of childhood abuse, I prefer to suggest that people RECLAIM their lives.

People who have been abused as children need to RECLAIM their lives and should not be referred to as Survivors until they have.  Until they reclaim their lives, they are actually ESCAPEES from child abuse and if they have not yet escaped, they are currently VICTIMS of child abuse.

How can ESCAPEES reclaim their lives and become Survivors?

It’s usually a matter of making the DECISION to live a happy life and following up by always making CHOICES that help you to achieve happiness – simple as that.  Get off the pity-pot, stop wasting your valuable life feeling sorry for yourself and looking for sympathy and validation.  You’re as valid as you decide to be and what has sympathy ever done for you?  Decide to live HAPPY!

PEOPLE CHOOSE TO MAKE THE DECISION TO BE HAPPY

What was done can never be undone so there’s no sense wishing for the impossible.  If you were born a cat, why waste your valuable life being unhappy and wishing you were born a dog – it will never happen any more than wishing you were never abused as a child can ever happen.

Unless spending your life as a walking-wounded or sympathy-seeker makes you happy, why waste your precious life?  Time is short!  Life’s best kept secret is that people who have never experienced abuse as a child know it’s their right to be happy and they can’t fathom why anyone wouldn’t do everything in their power to see to their own happiness.  They’re not being selfish – they just don’t know any other way to live.  How difficult or unachievable is that?  Just make the decision to be like them!  Reclaim your life and Be Happy … there’s no other reason for life.

What about BLAME?

You know who abused you and your abuser(s) know what they did.  Abusers are not likely to ever admit what they’ve done for various reasons and apologies are rare and usually self-serving.  Have you ever heard of an abuser publicly admitting what he or she has done, accepting the blame and punishment and committing the rest of their lives to seeing to their victim’s lifetime of comfort and HAPPINESS?  I haven’t!

What’s the use to continue playing the blame game?  You know who abused you but unless you’re going to do anything about it, what good will blame do?  It won’t make you feel any happier to spend your life simply pointing your finger.  But if you assign blame because you intend to do something about it, then you are making decisions and choices to make your life happier.  Reporting the crime is better than a confrontation with the abuser because the abuser is not likely to accept responsibility and will most likely put the blame on you, which will only make you feel worse.

Also, you KNOW that nasty people abuse children and most get away with it  – you’ve experienced it firsthand.  What are YOU doing to rescue other children from being abused, to stop child abuse, or even to help other escapees?  How can you expect people to feel sorry for you (not that it's does you any good) when you have no empathy for others – even defenseless children? 

If you did feel something, nothing would stop you from doing everything in your power to help other victims of child abuse, from rescue to reporting.  By reporting those who abuse you, the abuser SHOULD BE rendered unable to attack other children AND forced to pay (another inappropriate word) for their crimes (at best) AND be made examples of to other would-be abusers (in the least) but overall, the issue of abusing children becomes less ignorable.

Most people do not find happiness in making others unhappy - like abusers do; instead, helping others is an effective way to find personal happiness.

Undoubtedly, there will be many people who disagree and many circumstances that this advice cannot apply to but in general, for most people this is effective advice. Simply because you are not charged $200/hr for this advice, does not mean it's not valuable.

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